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I got this one mac laptop for free two years ago, and it seemed like a pretty good deal at the time because it was a mac laptop with all of the programs on it already.  And it was FREE.  

Three years later, it's ancient.  And it's slow.  Slow to the point that it might take ten minutes for an email to load.  Slow to the point that tumblr gifs give it such a whirlwind rush of excersize that it short circuits from excitement and gives up on the internet completely and crashes.  Slow to the point that chatting with a friend on facebook is barely possible...half the chat messages are lost in the conversation from my side anyways.  So slow I can't even look up pictures.  Or comment on them.  Candy Crush works...ish.  

Skype isn't even an option.  

I'm normally a forgiving person, and I have forgiven this laptop repeatedly.  But tonight, while trying to send an email and have had to reload it for the umpteenth time, a rather curious sensation filled me, I could only describe it as a heightened sense of irritation ("Why won't it load?") followed by aggravation ("Thanks for NOTHING, you useless computer."), followed by rage ("WHAT THE ACTUAL F***.") followed by a hopeless mix of aggravation/despair ("WHAT IS MY LIFE?!!!  I WANT TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FAAAACE!!!!")  completed by a strange acceptance of my situation (akin to Christian-Bale-wielding-an-axe acceptance...which I suppose isn't really acceptance.  At least my emotions have left a hollow shell of despair...).  I don't know what to call this emotion..probably Iragga-rageyhaps-McStabbyfaceWAAAAAGH!!!!!I'mdead.   

I suppose the obvious solution would be to buy a new laptop, and I would, but money isn't something available to me.  Which makes me feel Iragga-rageyhaps-McStabbyfaceWAAAAAGH!!!!!I'mdead.  

I also feel conflicted for feeling conflicted about this laptop.  Because, being raised in a rather conservative home, I have been (whether I like it or not) instilled with the value of "counting your blessings."  So I should be thankful right?  I am so poor right now that I ate brown rice and hardboiled eggs with soy sauce for lunch/dinner and considered that a TREAT,  and yet I have my very own mac laptop to (attempt to) play Candy Crush on...I should be thankful that I even HAVE a laptop at all.  Right?  

And having grown up with people who believe in a mixture of karma/logic, by that mental standard I don't even have the right to be upset.  Because I got it for FREE.  And it's not like I'm using this laptop for mostly productive work.  I mainly just play on it/look up cat videos.  HAHA who am I kidding?!  Youtube doesn't work on this thing!  


I'm dead.  


United States

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grinningsun Featured By Owner May 9, 2014
Thank you for the fav <3
hatted-ladyfish Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you for all of the favorites, sis!! :glomp:
dtrreu Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav! ^^
adrians-angel Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2013  Student Filmographer
Thanks for the watch!! :)
Shaaawn Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2013  Hobbyist
hey thanks for the fav and the watch :3
gryphonlady Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
thank you for the fav
zybynarx Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave. :)
CristianaLeone Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2013
Thanx for faving me! :la:
IMAGENES-IMPERFECTAS Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013   Photographer
Thanks for the watch! :)
PepstarsWorld Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Professional Artist
Thank you for the fave of In A Timeless Place! :D
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