I got this one mac laptop for free two years ago, and it seemed like a pretty good deal at the time because it was a mac laptop with all of the programs on it already. And it was FREE.
Three years later, it's ancient. And it's slow. Slow to the point that it might take ten minutes for an email to load. Slow to the point that tumblr gifs give it such a whirlwind rush of excersize that it short circuits from excitement and gives up on the internet completely and crashes. Slow to the point that chatting with a friend on facebook is barely possible...half the chat messages are lost in the conversation from my side anyways. So slow I can't even look up pictures. Or comment on them. Candy Crush works...ish.
Skype isn't even an option.
I'm normally a forgiving person, and I have forgiven this laptop repeatedly. But tonight, while trying to send an email and have had to reload it for the umpteenth time, a rather curious sensation filled me, I could only describe it as a heightened sense of irritation ("Why won't it load?") followed by aggravation ("Thanks for NOTHING, you useless computer."), followed by rage ("WHAT THE ACTUAL F***.") followed by a hopeless mix of aggravation/despair ("WHAT IS MY LIFE?!!! I WANT TO STAB MYSELF IN THE FAAAACE!!!!") completed by a strange acceptance of my situation (akin to Christian-Bale-wielding-an-axe acceptance...which I suppose isn't really acceptance. At least my emotions have left me...like a hollow shell of despair...). I don't know what to call this emotion..probably Iragga-rageyhaps-McStabbyfaceWAAAAAGH!!!!!I'mdead.
I suppose the obvious solution would be to buy a new laptop, and I would, but money isn't something available to me. Which makes me feel Iragga-rageyhaps-McStabbyfaceWAAAAAGH!!!!!I'mdead.
I also feel conflicted for feeling conflicted about this laptop. Because, being raised in a rather conservative home, I have been (whether I like it or not) instilled with the value of "counting your blessings." So I should be thankful right? I am so poor right now that I ate brown rice and hardboiled eggs with soy sauce for lunch/dinner and considered that a TREAT, and yet I have my very own mac laptop to (attempt to) play Candy Crush on...I should be thankful that I even HAVE a laptop at all. Right?
And having grown up with people who believe in a mixture of karma/logic, by that mental standard I don't even have the right to be upset. Because I got it for FREE. And it's not like I'm using this laptop for mostly productive work. I mainly just play on it/look up cat videos. HAHA who am I kidding?! Youtube doesn't work on this thing!
BOGDAMNIT THIS MAC LAPTOP IS SUCH A PIECE OF CRAP I JUST WANNA GO IRAGGA-RAGEYHAPS-MCSTABBYFACEWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!